Wiz: This episode of Death Battle is brought to you by Audible! Wiz: They're the guardians of the night, the superhuman saviors of the lone and helpless. Boomstick: Bruce Wayne, the Batman, Wiz: and Peter Parker, the Spider-Man. Boomstick: It's no secret that given time for prep, both Batman and Spider-Man can defeat pretty much any opponent. Wiz: Which is why we're pitting them against each other with only their standard equipment, gladiator style.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick! Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle! Wiz: The Dark Knight is a master of the shadows. Using intimidation as a weapon, he patrols the streets of Gotham City. Boomstick: You know you're doing something right when people are terrified of just your shadow! Wiz: After his parents were murdered by a common thug, Bruce Wayne dedicated his life to fighting the criminal underworld. Wiz: He achieved twelve master degrees, studied a hundred twenty seven martial arts, and perfected escape artistry. Wiz: Given enough time he can escape any conceivable trap. Boomstick: Batman has pushed himself to the limits of the human body, he can bench press one thousand pounds, and has great aim and reflexes. Wiz: The Batsuit was designed to be the ultimate, flexible combat armor. Boomstick: While the pointy ears are a bit much for me, the armor can stop knives and gunfire. Wiz: His memory cloth cape can be used as a glider, and the entire suit is lined with a two hundred thousand volt electro network. Boomstick: I guess when you're a billionaire, you can afford to turn yourself into a freakin' human taser!. Wiz: The gadgets from Wayne's never-ending funds don't stop there. Wiz: His utility belt carries dozens of different tools that can get him out of practically any situation. Boomstick: That belt has pretty much everything! Grappling hook, explosives, beer! Maybe not that last one, but mine would. Wiz: Notable gadgets include a gas mask, tear gas, smoke pellets, a kryptonite ring, remote detonated plastic explosives, and his trademarked grapple gun. Wiz: He also carries a large supply of collapsible shurikens. Boomstick: The Batarangs, and if throwing a razor sharp object at people isn't enough, he's got several types! Boomstick: Like electric shock, knockout dart, and grenade! Wiz: Despite having the build of an olympic athlete, The Caped Crusader's greatest feats are attributed to his detective skills. Wiz: He can anticipate attacks through muscle movement and memorize the smallest details, even the shape of a cheek he's punched. Wiz: And while Batman is only human, his achievements stand among gods. Boomstick: He's a founding member of the team of superheroes known as the Justice League! Boomstick: And he's even fought Superman! Wiz: But what Wayne has no exploitable weaknesses, he is not perfect. His mental stability has often been called into question. Boomstick: Well, lets see: His parents were killed in front of him as a child, he uses his money to beat the sh*t out of people dressed as a giant bat, and keeps employing twelve year-old sidekicks! Boomstick: Yeah, he's clearly not all there! Wiz: But he is a survivor. He endured being broken in half, fighting the other members of the Justice League, complete disintegration, and being stranded in the past as a living time bomb of galactic destruction. Boomstick: Wait, what?! Wiz: Yet he somehow pulled through every time. Boomstick: Why? Cause he's the goddamn Batman! Thug: Where are you?! Batman: Here. Wiz: The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man protects the streets of New York City. Boomstick: Once Peter Parker was a wimpy nerd with no friends! Boomstick: Then he got bit by a radioactive spider that gave him weird bug powers, and now he's a radioactive superhero with no friends! Boomstick: Though after some practice and ''superheroing'', he finally got himself laid! A lot, actually. Wiz: A clever photographer and science major, Spider-Man is not only incredibly powerful, but also a genius in strategy and science. Wiz: Using these skills, he created two wrist mounted web shooters which let him swing around the city. Boomstick: You know, if he was SO smart, wouldn't he make the web shoot out of his butt like a real spider? Wiz: No! No, first it's not the butt, it comes out of the - Boomstick: ''Spider-Man!
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