Spider-Man! Craps some webs like a spider can!'' Wiz: Each web shooter cartridge can hold a large amount of pressurized web fluid - Boomstick: And so can his girlfriends! Haha! I'll be here all week. Wiz: ...and features a rotating carousel to replace the empty ones.
Boomstick: His spider powers give him superhuman strength, speed, agility and durability. He can run up to two hundred miles per hour, lift over ten tons, and take a freakin' grenade to the face! Wiz: He can even knock out a dinosaur out cold with a single punch. Boomstick: Ha, suck it, Denver! Wiz: Also, by altering his body's electron attractions, Spider-Man can crawl along any surface. But his most advantageous power is the Spider-Sense. Boomstick: It acts kinda like a warning signal, like caller ID when your ex-wife's calling for alimony. Wiz: Actually, the Spider-Sense is much more than a simple alarm. It gives Peter omnipresent detection of his surroundings. This is how he swings through New York without looking where he shoots his webs. And unlike his human senses, it is not affected by gases and toxins unless specifically tailored to the Spider-Sense itself. However, it's up to Spider-Man to recognize and react to his warning, so it can be tricked if he doesn't think he's in danger. Boomstick: Still, paired with his speed, Spider-Man is almost untouchable. He can even dodge automatic fire! Wiz: His unique martial art, The Way of the Spider, utilizes the Spider-Sense to its fullest. Spider-Man can go toe-to-toe with the most advanced masters of combat, even while blindfolded. Boomstick: No wonder other superheroes don't like this guy. I mean, the freaking Spider-Sense does everything for him! Wiz: Speaking of which, somehow, Spider-Man once tried to join the Justice League, but was rejected by Batman. Boomstick: Ouch. I bet he wishes he could fight old Bats in a battle to the death - oh-ho, wait! Wiz: For all of his amazing powers, Spider-Man is not invincible. His bright and colorful costume makes stealth difficult, his durability has limits, and the oddly specific ethyl chloride pesticide is his Kryptonite. Also, any enemy with speed comparable to his can outmatch his Spider-Sense. Boomstick: Still, if those are his only limitations, how come sometimes he gets shot by a stray bullet? Wiz: Lazy, lazy writing. Mary Jane: Wait! Who are you? Spider-Man: You know who I am. Mary Jane: I do? Spider-Man: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all! Boomstick: It's time for a - Wiz: ...Commercial break! Boomstick: Commercial break! Wiz: audible.com is the leading provider of downloadable digital audio books ranging from every genre. Boomstick: With over a hundred thousand titles that you can download to your MP3 player, you can listen to any book, anytime, anywhere. It's like having your own robot slave read you things! Wiz: Go to audiblepodcast.com/deathbattle to sign up to get a free audio book of your choice. Boomstick: But right now it's time for a Death Battle! Spider-Man: You've got a black belt in stupid if you think you're gonna beat me. Spider-Man: It's just not your day, pal. Spider-Man: Pardon moi! Spider-Man: Whoopsy! Spider-Man: Havin' fun yet?! Spider-Man: It's all or nothin'! Spider-Man: Loser! Spider-Man: Sorry 'bout that. Web swing! Boomstick: Damn! That was brutal! Show it again! Wiz: Despite Batman possessing more skill and knowledge, Spider-Man's abilities ultimately overpowered his arsenal. Boomstick: To be fair, Bats might've been able to deal with Spidey's strength and speed, but that damn Spider-Sense changes everything! Wiz: Right. The Spider-Sense counters surprise and stealth, Batman's most valuable weapons. Boomstick: But how could Batman lose to a wimpy spider nerd when he defeated the entire Justice League on his own? Wiz: Many of Batman's greatest achievements have required weeks or months of preparation and planning, which can hardly be compared to the one-on-one confrontation of a Death Battle. Keep in mind, if we had given Batman prep time, the same would be done for Spider-Man. Boomstick: And all of Wayne's money and the commissioner's men couldn't put Batman together again! Wiz: The winner is Spider-Man! Boomstick: Thanks for watching Death Battle, but I'd love you even more if you watch some more, so go watch this episode of Death Battle, there, I mentioned that, cause it's right in front of you so click the goddamn link and I rambled on but hey! Click sh*t!
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